So now what?
Who was I, before I was this entity that continuously worked, ever harder, ever more focused on the task to the exclusion of even the most basic ingredients of life gumbo? Before I began to erase elements of my life to make room for the all consuming Goal…
I’m scarcely sure.
You see, for last 30 or so days my nose has been to the grindstone, clouding my eyes with its grey, gristly spatter. I’ve put on weight from eating what I could when I could and pouring “energy drinks” down my malnourished, wizened caffeine-hole. My once-athletic body feels sickeningly sluggish and cumbersome. My bedraggled hair scrapes Jack Frost patterns on my sleep deprived eyes.
I’ve argued a lot with my lady, had panic attacks and only 3 or 4 good nights of sleep in a month. I’ve felt stupid, infantile, ill-prepared, hunted and scared. Waking at 3am with a head full of Java and aching, dry eyes is disconcerting.
BUT!! We delivered, we supplied total coverage as the Good Doctor might have put it. Through the minification of the self, cutting down to the lean meat, we were able to ACHIEVE THE GOAL.
I’ve done this level of work at three points in my life since leaving University.
A person can’t keep it up for long. You’d die.
Sometimes, a challenge is set and I have a choice to make – to give it everything, and embrace either success or glorious failure, or to let the opportunity pass me by, and never know. This time, right or wrong, I chose to try. This time, I succeeded. Even if I hadn’t, I’d know that I gave it my all. Unlike CapitulationBot, who is surely the worst robot ever.
I somehow fitted in coding apretty sweet game, AtakAChik, in the maelstrom